Jazz has a Tinie Tempah
by Esor 'Rolamee
Summary: ONE SHOT: TF:Prime Megatron wakes to find a disturbing little Polyhexian aboard his beloved warship, terrorising Soundwave and making a meal of his medic WHILE singing, dancing and flirting for his own sick amusement. RANDOM CRACK! OOC Jazz, Soundwave, Knockout, Megatron... I predict an earthquake up in here! COMPLETE!


**Ratings: T? (Fanfiction Rules are 'blocked' by my internet settings... I'm going on a hunch cause of some language in the song and umm... Jazz being Violent, Flirting and spilt energon...)**

**Warnings: Crack, Vampires, Vampire food and mild cussing and also one-way-mech/mech flirting**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Transformers _or any other character/song included in this fic. I especially don't own the song used, Labrinth - Earthquake ft. Tinie Tempah just borrowed so I can imagine what Jazz sings like...**

**A/N: I have no idea how this came to be so please R&R cause I have no idea what the %&# I'm doing... I just felt like tossing G1-coloured-Bayverse-resurrected-Jazz into a random scene aboard the TF: Prime _Nemesis _and OOCing all the characters (TF:Prime Soundwave, Megatron, Knockout and those expendable purple Decepticons I don't know the name of.) This is NOT a crossover with any vampire-related things, I just felt like giving Jazz a reason to still be alive in TF:Prime-verse and that was the first thing that popped into my mind. Blah, Blah, Blah... **

**ONWARDS TO THE STORY!... Song-fic.. thing... '0_o'**

-/|\-

"_Soundwave, come in..."_

Megatron woke from recharge with a start at the deep bass thrumming through the _Nemesis_. It was unsettling, and he instantly prepared for a fight, prepping his cannon and stalking out of his quarters towards the control hub. Soundwave was on duty there. He would figure it out.

The noise continued however, and seemed to be coming from everywhere, a few odd notes adding into the mix and striking up a pattern of sorts. Humans called it techno-music or dubstep or something insignificant Megatron couldn't care less about. All human music was irritating.

Soundwave was practically running in circles in the command hub, servos clamped over his audios as the music grew louder and stronger, forming a distinctive mush of rhythm. The Decepticon TiC was freaking out in a way Megatron had never seen him act before. How odd.

"Soundwave: Report. What is going on? What is this infernal racket?" Megatron snapped as the communication specialist froze and slowly looked at him, his face visor was gone and blind white-flecked-orange optics fixated on him. Megatron supressed the urge to squirm as Soundwave hissed venomously, baring great pointed chrome fangs as Soundwave shrieked and started racing around the control hub, armour rattling and optics glitching with his servos over his sensitive audios.

"Soundwave! Explain yourself!" Megatron snarled as the vampirish mech suddenly sat down square in the middle of the floor, tentacles snapping out and hacking into the Nemesis mainframe, diging his long talons into the floor and seemingly anchoring himself to the floor.

Soundwave still trembled but Megatron realised his most loyal officer was losing his processor. His growing respect for the stoic mech increased as he watched with somewhat fervent fascination at how Soundwave controlled himself and calmed down a little.

"Answer me!" Megatron ordered, suddenly remembering of a long lost ancient virus that turned a mech into and energon vampire… The Forsaken Virus or something… Soundwave was of an ancient frame type so Megatron didn't put it past the slender mech.

"Warning: Dangerous Autobot sibling on board. Suggestion: Beware the MadMech's smile." Soundwave choked out, gnashing his fangs and hoping to find a way to locate and project a live vid-feed of the intruder.

"You have a brother? Who is it?" He growled, charging his cannon and turning to face the door. He could deal with any Autobot that was on his ship. Brother or not.

"_Jazz._" Soundwave yowled as the music suddenly became very loud and vibrated the ship with the thrumming bass.

"_Soundwave, come in..."_

An amused voice sung through the ship as Soundwave stiffened but tried harder to pinpoint Jazz's location.

"What?! How is that possible?! I ripped him in half!" Megatron spat as Soundwave shook his helm vigorously, soundlessly saying what Megatron feared 'It didn't kill him.'

"_Soundwave, come in..."_

The ship suddenly rocked as a new, very techno melody struck up as the main chords became oh so clear. It hurt his helm with the intensity. The ship's monitors flickered before the feared black and white Polyhexian appeared on screen, waltzing down the hall carefree, nodding his helm to the music.

"He must have built a new frame." Megatron mused as the Saboteur smirked at the camera with a feral glint in his visor as he started dancing with the up-beat music. Primus that mech could _move_. Megatron suddenly felt himself drawn to the somewhat attractive mech. Oh Slag.

The music quietened down a little as Jazz started to sing, chrome fangs flashing in a maniacal grin as he stared right through the camera and at him. To say he was freaked out was an understatement, the Polyhexian had lost his last bearings with reality.

"_Femmes __and gentlemech,_

_This is something they call_

_A ground-breaker, breaker..._

_So let me first apologize_

_To the shirts and the ties_

_For your makeup…"_

Megatron gaped in shock, the crazy mech could dance, sing AND plant bombs in his hallway, freely throwing the small yet destructive charges everywhere as he danced, mocking Megatron and flirting with the camera.

"_Cause I'll make you ugly_

_As soon as it drops_

_We're on a rampage_

_Bottles poppin' off_

_Before you know it_

_There's rubble and dust_

_Cause we be crashing it up_

_Somebody say, 'You better run'…"_

Megatron braced for an explosion at the warning embedded in the lyrics, but nothing happened as the music reached a climax again. Jazz started dancing more suggestively as Megatron was forced to watch. Surprise turning to anger at the _Autobot _**_THIRD IN__ COMMAND_**in HIS ship.

"_Yeah!_

_I predict an earthquake up in here_

_Say yeah!_

_I predict an earthquake up in here_

_Cause we throw bombs on it, throw bombs on it_

_Just smash something, yeah mosh for me_

_Hey yeah!_

_We can make an earthquake up in here_

_So here we go, we go…"_

The charges went off as Jazz sung the part about bombs, the saboteur didn't even flinch as he started dancing again, warning lights and alarms lighting up the hall with a flickering red glow, but Jazz kept coming, almost as if he had planned everything from the start.

Decepticon mechs suddenly located Jazz and swarmed the halls as the Polyhexian drew an energon blade and his shield, never faltering as the Polyhexian mech ruthlessly started decapitating the Decepticons with incredible skill. His idiot troops never even got so much as a scratch on that black and white paintjob.

"_Femmes and gentlemech_

_What you're about to witness_

_Is no illusion..."_

Jazz was suddenly on all fours and racing through the halls before coming to a new, mech free and undamaged hallway, resuming his cool-calm-collected saunter towards the cameras that were tracking him, dancing as he sung once more.

"_And now, we got the bass banging from here to Buckingham Palace"_

Jazz struck a pose and Megatron snorted as trumpets exaggerated the line, Jazz was toying with him and laying more charges. Megatron recognised the hall he was in and commed Knockout to jump the mech when Jazz passed Medbay.

_They're all moving_

_Hey Megatron, we're fucking them up_

_Turning them psycho_

_Everybody rock_

_Let's bring the house down to rubble and dust_

_Cause we be crashing it up_

_Somebody say, 'You better run'…"_

Knockout crash-tackled Jazz and pinned him to the wall before promptly jabbing him with his infamous 'cattle-prod' that should have knocked the Polyhexian out as the music suddenly stopped and the two evenly sized mechs wrestled with vicious snarls.

Knockout's optics widened as Jazz slowly grinned, his fangs coming visible as he shoved the medic off him and quickly straddled the red Decepticon, pinning his arms to the wall and punching Knockout in the abdomen so the medic curled over the blow instinctively.

Soundwave jerked violently where he sat as Jazz sunk his fangs into Knockout's main energon line in his neck, the Medic thrashed and desperately fought but to no avail, Jazz was impossibly strong and drank his fill of hot mechblood. Jazz pulled away, leaving a half-dead and stunned Knockout slumped against the wall, energon dribbling down Jazz's chin as the mech ran a glossa over his fangs and straitened once again.

The music resumed where it had been left off and Jazz fist-pumped the air with a "_Yeah_!" as the chorus rocked the ship once more.

"_I predict an earthquake up in here_

_Say yeah!_

_I predict an earthquake up in here_

'_Cause we throw bombs on it, throw bombs on it_

_Just smash something, yeah mosh for me_

_Hey yeah!_

_We can make an earthquake up in here_

_So here we go, we go…"_

More charges went off in the hall as more detonated in the far end of the ship, destroying all but one engine as the ship tilted dangerously and Megatron stumbled with a furious yowl.

But Jazz wasn't nearly finished. He had yet to kill the Captain.

He sung quietly now, bowing his head forward a little and looking positively demonic as his softer words chilled Megatron to the core, he was inevitable trapped in his own crashing ship with two cursed brothers currently aboard. Soundwave would choose Jazz over him. They always did.

"_I predict an earthquake up in here..._

_I predict an earthquake up in here..._

_'Cause we throw bombs on it, throw bombs on it_

_Just smash something, yes mosh for me, yeah_

_We can make an earthquake up in here..._

_So here we go, we go…_

_Soundwave… Come in…"_


End file.
